Halloween 2020 A Day in the Life of a Zombie Nurse
I knew nursing college could be tough, and I used to be prepared to sacrifice my sleep to get my diploma. I’d arrive in school like one thing from the strolling useless. I managed to get by means of the robust instances in nursing college as a result of I knew there was a lightweight on the finish of the tunnel, and there was. However jeez, can we flip the sunshine off generally and simply all go night-nights?
Nicely, as you’ve got gathered by now I am a zombie nurse. I graduated 6-years in the past, and I work on a busy med-surg ground. 12-hour shifts are the norm, and I work mine three-in-a-row. I suppose you can say, I am a glutton for punishment, and you would be proper. Many nurses select to separate their shifts all through the week in order that they will not be so drained. However me? Nah, I am a diehard. I determine, if I am already working, I could as nicely proceed by means of until I am finished, then take pleasure in being off for 4 days. My boss thinks I am loopy, however I’d by no means admit that she’s proper about that, as a result of she already thinks she’s Einstein’s ghost.
My day begins out at ridiculous o’clock. I’ve already slammed the alarm clock thrice, however it refuses to shut-up. It is like Groundhog day another time. It is so early that the bats are nonetheless up and flying round. I open my eyes once more, solely to comprehend I slept by means of the final snooze, and I’ve bought one minute and thirty seconds to get within the bathe, dress, eat, make espresso and drive to work… solution to go silly! I curse, then roll my butt away from bed cursing and swearing that I will be smarter tonight and go to mattress earlier, so I can stand up simply the following day. But it surely by no means occurs. I am such a liar!
I take a freezing chilly bathe to wake my lazy cells, then thank God and WonderWink that I get to work in my pajamas. Man, I like my scrubs. I run downstairs, tear open the fridge and seize a moldy, unrecognizable piece of fruit?, (or one thing) and I haven’t got time for espresso. Yeah, I hate my life about now.
I seem like Canine-doo trigger I haven’t got any make-up on. Perhaps that is okay for some nurses. You understand, those who’re naturally fabulous at 6:00 o’clock within the morning, however not my ugly butt. I seem like I have been dragged by means of a bush backward, and it by no means fails. Nobody can shut their mouth about my look at work. It must be, “hey, you do not seem like you’re feeling good,” or “wow, you look drained.” Sure, I am drained, and no, I am not sick, I am simply freaking ugly with out my Estee Lauder Halloween masks.
Making an attempt to eat breakfast whereas listening to report is a problem, even for me. Now, I’ve bought a robust abdomen however why does each one in every of my sufferers need to have all of the poop, vomit and pus issues? I pay attention as I gag my half-rotten banana down my throat and envy another person’s McDonald’s. Everybody else appears a lot extra organized and contemporary. I can barely maintain my eyes open to take heed to the report. I appear to have gotten Ms. Nurse, “I wish to get the heck outta right here.” to provide me report, as a result of she’s giving report like she’s Speedy Gonzales, and she or he simply retains hurriedly uttering, “It is within the chart,” once I ask any questions. Gawd, it is gonna be a protracted day.
I really feel like I’ve run a marathon, and it is solely 7:30 am. Time flies if you’re having enjoyable! Assessments and passing meds, does not sound too unhealthy, proper? Haha, flawed. All my sufferers are trainwrecks right this moment, on a million-and-one meds, and we do not have half of them. It is name right down to the pharmacy time, and I am now doing the zombie chant, “I like my job, I like my job.” out loud.
I am already daydreaming about bedtime, however I full my assessments with out an excessive amount of hassle. Nicely, aside from the candy outdated, demented girl that retains asking me to seek out her socks, (when she has them each on). The affected person subsequent to her thinks the Mafia is plotting to kill him and Mr. Gross, who retains asking me to provide him a mattress tub. Inform me why I turned a nurse once more?
I end up my morning charting, and I really feel like I’ve hit a brick wall. If I do not get huge portions of closely caffeinated espresso, I am gonna be on the ground. It is time for a fast run right down to the cafeteria to seize some. Ah, what da ya know? They’ve some, however it’s so outdated and powerful, it is about able to develop legs and stroll off by itself. What the hell, I want espresso! So I pay their stinkin million bucks for a big espresso and sprint upstairs for extra “Nightmare on Elm Road,” starring my boss as Freddie Krueger.
She’s hell on wheels right this moment, as she is most days. She sits on the desk and barks orders at us, and she or he’s pretty clueless about what actual nursing is all about. The one time she rises from the useless to help is when Joint Fee is right here, and she or he all of the sudden turns into Nancy Nurse and has everybody reciting the mission assertion.
Whereas I used to be gone one in every of my sufferers fell away from bed, making an attempt to run away from the Mafia that man came over. All I can take into consideration is extra paperwork. The affected person is completely advantageous, however I’ve 100 years price of paperwork now. As I begin the work on the ebook I’ve to jot down, one other affected person’s member of the family comes to go to. She desires to speak to me, so I cease what I am doing and rush to the affected person’s room. She tells me that she’s not a nurse and says, “I am not making an attempt to do your job, however a good friend of mine works at a nursing residence, and she or he does one thing medical. She mentioned that you’ve got my Mom on too many antibiotics and that she’s on the flawed sort.” Hmmm, actually? By this time I’ve reached my boiling level, however I am nonetheless making an attempt to be good. “Nicely, let me test on that and I will get again to you.” I cheerily say, whereas muttering underneath my breath as I stroll away.
eight hours go by, and I am nonetheless flying round like a witch on her broomstick. My charting nonetheless is not finished, and I am getting additional behind with each step I take. One wonderful thing about being a nurse is that the time ticks by so rapidly since you by no means come up for air.
On the finish of each day, my bladder aches from the necessity to pee. I feel I might win a hold-your pee competitors hands-down! I am a beast! My abdomen is gurgling from the shortage of meals and this present day is quick changing into extra like tales from the crypt. All I can take into consideration is getting the heck outta dodge. However over-time is quick changing into a haunting risk. When will this finish?
I handle to wrap up my paperwork, and my sufferers are lastly blissful, (for now). Might it actually be over? My reduction arrives, and I run into her arms like a corny love story. I am elated that it is over for right this moment. I can go residence. Yay! I run to my automobile, noticing that it is a full moon exterior, though I might have instructed you that with out wanting. I get in my automobile, begin my engine and breath a sigh of utter reduction. I look within the rearview mirror and soar out of my wits in concern. There is a scary monster wanting again at me. Oh wait, that is simply me after the 12-hour shift from hell.
On my method residence I replicate on my day. I notice that I am a wreck, however in a great way. I would not take something for the witches I work with and the little-devil sufferers I often encounter. I like my life as a nurse and would not commerce it for all the cash on this planet. It might be nuts, however it’s my life and I like being a zombie nurse. Perhaps I will simply resign myself to sleeping once I’m useless.
That is devoted to all my zombie nurse mates world wide. Completely happy Halloween Zombie Nurses! You are completely superior!